No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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