He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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