two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
