and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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