Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
farters have to be the big spoon...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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