I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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