never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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