So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
