you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
