he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Randomize
