My sheets look like a crime scene.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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