i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
