I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
