She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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