After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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