i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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