dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize