if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
