I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
