I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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