Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
