I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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