Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
did i just pee glitter
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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