it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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