Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
