I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
