Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
