Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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