I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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