Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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