Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
