So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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