I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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