Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
