At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
