FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize