i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
