I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
