She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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