I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
