Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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