I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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