This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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