Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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