I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
