Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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