I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
