At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
