yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
