Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
