i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
