woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
