we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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