and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
