just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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