So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
