ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
