my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
