You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
