I cockslap morals
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
