I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
