is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If I die, sorry about rent.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
