Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
