plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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