I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I believe in your delicious
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize