Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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