The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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