She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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