I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
