Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
