Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

People in love make me want to vomit

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(865): View more from Tennessee

you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?

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(908): View more from New Jersey

So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.

(1-501): View more from Arkansas

bonus

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(646): View more from New York

I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night

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(330): View more from Ohio

shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.

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(281): View more from Texas

This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?

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