she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
