Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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