Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
