fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
