Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
