Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize