I look better un-naked...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
