Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
