Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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