mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize