Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
