i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
