I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
