you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I am naked and annoyed.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
