Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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