we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
