Capitaan dildo arrescate!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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