Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
