I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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