yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
