I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
