Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
we're so committed to being not committed
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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