I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize