uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
