Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
