I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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