i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize