heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
