You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
