you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
